This morning has been nothing but challenging in every way and it's only 9:26 a.m. Anytime you create a list of very important tasks you would like to accomplish there will always be resistance. Yes, I have the basic to-do list (as many of us do) I'd like to complete before the weekend is up and then I have those things I feel God is drawing me to do.
So last night, I said I would get up early around 5:30 a.m. and start tackling my chores. Side note, I know 5:30 a.m. seems early on a Saturday morning but I work from 4:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. so anything after 5 a.m. seems like a luxury! So when I woke up, I was faced with a headache and my lovely 5 year old greeting me at the bathroom door saying "good morning mommy, I'm hungry and I want some bacon and pancakes!"
Needless to say, that didn't happen! lol We have a rule in our house where we don't ask mommy for anything (unless its an emergency) before the sun comes up, this keeps mommy sane, peaceful, and happy! lol After I gathered myself from this erroneous request, I tried to collect my thoughts so I could begin working on this book I feel I've been writing FOREVER!!
When I opened my computer, to begin writing, my entire file would not open. O.M.G. I immediately had a panic attack at the thought of 20,000 plus words and 10 chapters gone like chaff in the wind. After two straight hours of aggravation, tears, anxiety, searching, praying, and watching videos I finally found a way to open my file and thanks to Jesus everything was still intact! Wheeeeew!!! By this time both the boys are up and bickering, so now I'm a referee. My youngest is the most active and rambunctious and the oldest more like the philosopher and coach on life and he's only been living 8 years, go figure! lol Both are excessively needy as most children are, but everything seemed to be highlighted and magnified to the 10,000th power on this morning simply because I had some really important things I wanted to accomplish.
So, what happens when you repeatedly tell your kids "go sit down and stop running before you fall and hurt yourselves!!!" Yes you guessed it, they hurt themselves. Yep, the inevitable happened, my youngest fell and hurt himself now he has a bleeding scratch on his thigh. At this point, I'm about to throw all of my plans for today out of the window and hide myself in the closet while wearing my noise cancellation headphones. As many mothers do, I said to him "THIS is why I said stop running!!!" Then I picked him up to console him and I began my search for the peroxide, Neosporin and bandaids. But there was a problem, the bandaids had magically disappeared from the last space I had them. Hmmmm...
Now, my question is, who moved the band-aids??!!! Of course no one moved them and they magically walked away! I searched and searched and drilled and asked who moved them and both said they had not a clue. Then the youngest said tearfully, "I didn't knock them over or have them in my bed but I promise I didn't have them!" So now I'm feeling like someone is lying to me! The betrayal in my own home!! By this time I'm ticked to the highest level of tick-tivity because I can't tell what the truth is! Parents can tell when their children are lying but there are some rare occasions, where you really can't decipher!! Why? Because children are beautifully deceptive little beings when they want to be, yet we love them unconditionally!
So now, my toothache from the prior night has returned due to my adrenaline rushing I'm sure, and I just made a corporate decision to tell my youngest I know he had the band-aids because he fits the description of the culprit! He cried and said he didn't. I'm frustrated and angry in the living room because my creative juices are no longer flowing and now I have nothing to write about. Something kept pressing me to continue looking in the last place I saw the bandaids, and lo and behold, the band-aid box had fallen inside of a bigger box sitting right beside the table. When I saw the bandaids in the box, I immediately remembered knocking them over one morning when rushing out for work and school. Oh my Lord!!! You guessed it!
Yep, I felt 2 inches tall. Now I had to go back and apologize to my baby because he was falsely accused!
The fleshly side of me said, just don't say anything and move on, but the Holy Spirit convicted me IMMEDIATELY after that thought came into play. He said, apologize to them both and specifically confess your wrong to them and ask for forgiveness. I didn't hesitate, I called the oldest to the living room and I hugged him and said "I'm sorry I accused you for having the band-aids, I was wrong, it was my fault and will you please forgive me?" He laughed and said "It's okay mommy, I told you I didn't have them!! Where did you find them?!" I told him where I found them and he laughed. He kissed my hand and said, "mistakes happen, I forgive you and I love you!" I told him to tell his brother (who was still crying in his room) I wanted to speak with him.
He walked in the living room and said "yes ma'am." I sat on the couch, grabbed both his little hands and looked him in his big watery eyes and said, "I'm so, so sorry I adamantly accused you of having moved the bandaids, it was my fault, I found them, I misplaced them, and I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?" He BALLED and fell into my arms. He didn't speak at first, only tears. Then he said, "you were so upset with me and it hurt my feelings." I said, "I know and you have every right to be upset right now, my apology doesn't take away the fact that I hurt your feelings. I'll make no more assumptions when there's no factual evidence found." He said "huh??!" lol I said "I won't say you had something and I don't know for sure if you did!" He said "okay, I forgive you!" Then he asked if I still loved him, I told him "forever and ever I'll ALWAYS love you, even when you're wrong!" We made up and he started asking for snacks again as I put the ointment and bandaid on his thigh wound. I'm so thankful God led me to diminished the inner wound I almost created had I not apologized. To God be ALL the glory!!
Isn't it amazing how God will prune and teach us valuable lessons even through our children?! I was able to conquer something that needed to be conquered (pride) and I was given creative content through the experience to share with you! I'm consistently reminded and amazed at how amazingly faithful God is and how if we would relax, trust Him more and hold our agendas loosely, we could be much further along than where we are now. I'm reminded of the scripture:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts
My daily prayer is to create a childhood my children won't have to recover from, and that I shall do. XoXo